Diary Of A Mini Mushroom Farm – Part One

Five days ago, we got a mini mushroom farm.

It’s basically oyster mushroom spore in a compostable bag with holes in it for mushrooms to eventually grow through. The instructions said to put it somewhere out of direct sunlight and wind, and to mist it daily til mushrooms start to appear, which should be within 10 days.

WELL.

Day One – The mini mushroom farm arrives. Much excitement ensues. The instructions are read 50 times, we debate the best place to put it, tentatively place it in a large bucket, and wonder if it will even work. Time will tell.

Day Two – WHAT. Things are poking through already!

Day Three – Holy shit. It looks like something out a horror movie. We wonder what would happen if they crossbred with the Venus flytraps (consensus: we’re screwed!). Friends are sent updates with a message that if this turns into a “Last of Us” situation, I’m sorry or you’re welcome, depending on your point of view.

Day Four – The mushrooms have been up to something overnight because this morning they are legion, recognisable as mushrooms, and are growing and spreading even more rapidly. We are going to need a bigger bucket.

Day Five – All hail our new mushroom overlords! The fungi have continued to spread and doubled in size again overnight. At this point we would not be surprised if they started speaking. Will the house still be here on day seven or will we have been colonised and/or consumed?

If there is no Part Two, The Hermit has become one with the fungi. RIP. Eat some of my mushrooms for me. They better be tasty!